


Crush

by OrionRedde, Shyrstyne



Series: Cometverse [76]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Discussion of Homophobia, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Multi, Nonbinary Xion (Kingdom Hearts), reference to demisexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26369845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrionRedde/pseuds/OrionRedde, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyrstyne/pseuds/Shyrstyne
Summary: Xion has never been in denial about their feelings. They just didn't really know what it meant.
Relationships: Naminé/Riku Replica (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé/Riku Replica/Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé/Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Cometverse [76]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1285373
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Crush

**Author's Note:**

> i like stories where the world isn't like real life and there's no such thing as homophobia or terfs or any of that bs. i also like stories that adress these things, fight back against them. i thought long and hard about this one tbh, and eventually realised that this particular world, while better than ours i think, is not perfect. we've alluded to it before even, and i thought it would be disengenous to pretend this world is perfect in that sense when there is already evidence that it isnt. and well... i won't lie, this was theraputic to write in a lot of ways. despite how tired i know people are of dealing with exactly these things day in and day out, i wanted to adress it but still leave with a sense of hope. i hope i succeeded.
> 
> also usual reminder that there are many ways to be nonbinary, hence the continued use of f/f for namine and xion

You’re puttering around the second floor, feeling sort of restless and bored, and considering rearranging the layout of the den when Xion comes in.

“Hey Xion, what’s up?” You greet cheerfully. They say nothing though, making a beeline for the couch and flopping face forward onto the pillows resting against the arm. You sit on the edge of the cushions next to their legs.

“Something wrong?” You pat their leg, and they groan dramatically.

“No. ’s fine. Tot’lly fine.” Their voice comes through, muffled by the thick stuffing of the pillows.

“Now that’s a bald faced lie if I ever heard one. Where’s Roxas?”

They shrug into the pillows, still not looking up.

“Probably still hanging out.”

“You were hanging out with Sora and the crew right?”

“Ven and.. Some others were there too…” They lift their head just slightly, probably just so they can breathe, and you catch sight of a hint of redness on their cheeks.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” It can’t be anything too serious- nobody has called you to say they’re dying yet for starters, but you want to be there for the little hurts too, whatever they may be.

“No! No, nothing happened it’s just- I mean- AUGH.” They roll over irritatedly, pulling the pillow with them and shouting their frustration into it. You let them vent for a bit. They flop back against the arm of the couch, but leave the pillow covering their eyes.

“Do.. do you ever like… look at someone? And they’re just so pretty? And graceful? And Nice? And you knew all those things before but suddenly it’s like. Really important? That they’re really pretty? And you just wanna-” They raise their hand, and you don’t know exactly what they were going to say before they abruptly fall silent, flushing so hard it’s travelled past the confines of the pillow and into their neck, but you’ve got the general idea.

“Sounds like you’ve got a crush.” You pat their leg sympathetically. Considering how long the Island kids had been dating by now, you’re a little surprised this has taken this long to come up. Xion sits bolt upright, pillow falling aside to reveal both the heavy blush and their offended expression.

“What no! I don’t want to crush h-! I want t-” The pillow goes back up and Xion curls around it, very nearly distress purring. You try so hard not to laugh at Xion’s genuine discomfort.

But it’s a little funny. Baby’s first crush.

“Let me guess. Wouuuld it have something to do with kissing?” You hazard, grateful Xion isn’t looking up so they can’t see you’re smug grin. They merely moan dramatically into the pillow. It could be a no, but you can’t know for sure after all. They’ve got a pillow in their face.

“Whyyyyyyyy.” They groan miserably.

“Well I don’t know for sure, but I’d be willing to bet it goes back to the whole wanting to crush that persons lips to yours-” That’s not what they meant and you know it, but you can’t help yourself. Xion uncurls long enough to kick you lightly in the side a few times. You grab their shins and make a valiant attempt to pin them as they finally uncurl entirely, giggling. You’re grateful they stay in human shape because even you would struggle to pin a three quarter grown panther.

You both settle again, and Xion chews their lip.

“I just. It makes me want...” Xion stutters, still blushing. You nod.

“It’s always pretty intimidating, especially the first time, and I’m afraid I don’t have all the necessary experience here on.. Some things, but I do know a bit and Lea can help fill in the gaps.”

Xion makes a face.

“I doubt that.” They mutter.

Ah. Okay then.

“He can help in the ‘dealing with physical attraction’ side of it.” You clarify. “I know we gave you some talks but now that you’re dealing with it yourself, you might have more questions.”

“... Maybe later.” Xion mutters. It’s not an agreement, but you’ll take what you can get when flustered teenagers were involved.

“Want to tell me about her?”

They squeak dramatically, tugging at one of the pillows and burying their face in it.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

-

Xion absolutely _does not_ want to talk about it.

Xion barely wants to even _think_ about it.

They end up caught between constantly suggesting big group hangouts so they have an excuse to hang around her (the casual visits to her home and one on one time suddenly feels far too intense and intimate), and tailing behind Roxas as he spends time with Hayner, Pence and Olette, avoiding her entirely.

They know everyone can tell something is up, but flustered as they are they don’t know what to do. They can only hope that Naminé herself hasn’t noticed… or if she has, maybe she’ll notice for the right reasons (that’s such a weird thing to hope, Xion, what are you thinking, honestly-!).

It comes to a head with Roxas first.

“No, you’re not coming. Me and Hayner are going out. Out out.” He stresses. Xion flushes brightly as they realise what he’s implying. Hayner gives them a surprisingly sympathetic look as Roxas tugs him out of the Usual Spot, and leaves with a wave.

“Bye.” Hayner calls as casually as someone wearing a grin as smug as his can manage, before he’s tugged beyond the curtain of the doorway.

“Hey it’s okay, you can hang with us today.” Olette says cheerily, waving from the couch. Pence nods. They've both got the day off work, and though they've been busy lately they're more than happy to hang out with friends.

“Yeah, we’re fun too, promise.” 

“Well, some of us are anyway.” Olette smiles mischievously, causing Pence to protest.

“Yeah, okay.” Xion accepts. “Thank you.”

“So what’s been up?” Olette asks. “You’ve been around a lot lately, and not that we don’t like you hanging out, but it feels like something’s up.”

Xion fiddles with the drawstrings of their hoodie nervously.

“No reason. Maybe I just felt like getting to know Roxas’ friends better.”

“Uh huh sure.” Pence says flatly. “Come on, we’re not stupid.”

Xion looks down, suddenly aware of what they’ve been doing.

“I’m sorry. I really do like you guys, it’s not very fair of me to use you so I don’t have to face my other friends.”

“Hey no hard feelings, we’ve been there.” Olette says sincerely. “Maybe we can help.”

“Yeah!” Pence agrees. “We're always ready to help a friend.”

Xion smiles, moved by their kindness.

“Thank you, but I doubt there’s much you can do..”

“Well, how about a distraction then?” Olette suggests. “That helps me sometimes when there isn’t anything I can do about a problem.”

“Totally.” Pence adds. “We could go shopping, or there’s that arcade that opened up on Market Street.”

“Or they’re showing a new set of movies near the Bistro!” Olette says.

“The Arcade sounds fun.” Xion answers shyly.

“Arcade it is!” Olette cheers. “I have Hayners pass too, so you can use his.”

“Why do you have Hayners pass?” Pence asks with some trepidation. She shrugs.

“He loses it otherwise, so I’m in charge of it. We’ll call letting Xion use it his interest fee.”

Xion laughs.

They spend over an hour in the arcade, discovering all sorts of games to play. Xion ends up a natural at almost any kind of shooting minigame, and they discover a dance game that they almost immediately text Aqua and Axel about, sure that the adults would enjoy it immensely.

Pence wins both rounds of table hockey against Xion and Olette handily, proving long hours of practice at it. Olette manages to sneak out a win in points at the hoop shooters against Xion’s preternatural aiming skills, and Xion finds a surprise talent at the pinball machines.

All in all, they have a grand time, and come out with enough tickets for a small prize.

They scan the shelves critically, eyes landing on a small white plush in a roughly canine shape.

It looks soft and friendly, with pastel blue eyes. It reminds them of Naminé.

The attendant hands it to them, and it’s faux fur is _exquisitely_ soft. Perfect.

“Had fun?” Olette asks. Xion nods, still staring down at the little toy with its little blue bauble eyes. Pence leans over to take a look at their distant expression.

“Doesn’t look like it worked though.” Pence hums thoughtfully. Xion blinks.

“No, it did! I really appreciated it, sorry.”

Olette shakes her head with a laugh.

“Come on, it’s still early yet, I bet those movies by the Bistro are still going.”

“Okay.”

They wander outside, passing by the Bistro and sitting near the back row seats of the outdoor movie showing. It’s a silent movie, so people chat and laugh quietly with each other, many enjoying dinner as they do. Pence, Olette and Xion settle in, Xion holding the soft plush in their lap carefully.

They’ve come in mid-movie, but the plot seems simple enough, a young woman is captured by a wicked man, who appears to be also trying to court her despite her repeated rebuttals, meanwhile a second woman meets her in secret. It’s a charming, if slightly old fashioned movie, and Xion finds themself enraptured by the ladies delightful and easy friendship.

Eventually the man discovers their secret meetings, and in a fit of rage tries to attack his professed love, and the second woman steps in to defend her. There’s a climactic sword fight atop a castle parapet, for a moment of which it seems the man might win, but the woman manages to turn things around at the last moment, skewering the man and letting his body topple to the rocks below.

Pence and Olette, both having seen this movie before, entertain themselves by watching Xion clutch the little stuffed toy tightly all through the final battle, eyes trained unblinking on the screen. They gasp when it looks like all is lost, and cheer when the evildoer falls.

The women on screen embrace, the first one thanking the second profusely for saving her, and they watch the sunrise as it peeks its way through previously dark clouds.

-Liv, my darling friend- The silent words appear on screen. -Would you stay with me here?-

-Forever, my Ella!-

The credits roll.

“That’s it?” Xion asks. “Can we watch it again?”

“Wow you really got into that, huh?” Pence laughs. Olette chuckles with him.

“I’m pretty sure my mom owns it, so I could let you borrow it some time, or you could come over to see it.” Olette offers. Xion smiles, pleased at the offer.

“Isn’t it romantic though?” Pence says. And Xion blinks.

“I thought they were friends, who saved each other?” They ask, and Olette makes a hand waving motion.

“Officially yes, but this is an old movie. They had to put in a lot of metaphors and parallels so they could actually get the movie made while still representing to the people it was meant to that the girls were in love.”

Xion runs the movie over in their head again, but they’re still confused.

“Metaphors?”

“Like..” Olette tips her head, trying to think of examples. “Like when Liv left wild roses on Ella’s windowsill. Most people don’t recognise them as roses because they don’t look like the roses we see in flower shops, but roses are symbols of love. Or when they watch the sun rise at the end of the movie, holding hands, representing their commitment to each other.”

Xion, who was still sort of fuzzy on what a metaphor was, nods.

“But.. they call each other friends..”

“Well, your partner should be someone you’re friends with.” Pence points out, and Olette nods.

“But mostly it was so people wouldn’t get mad about the movie.” She says factually.

“Why would they get mad?” Xion asks, not expecting Pence and Olette to grow uncomfortable at the question.

“That’s.. A really complicated question.” Olette evades. 

“I guess the short version is that people weren’t always okay with people being in love with the same gender as them, or people who defied what others thought were their gender or role in society.” Pence supplies. “So those people had to hide behind metaphors and stuff in order to see themselves in books and movies and such.”

Xion chews their lip.

“Every time I think I’ve learned everything, I find out there’s more I don’t know.” They say, looking down at the little plush in their hands. “But it’s not like that any more, right?”

“Well..” Olette exchanges a glance with Pence, who shrugs with a wince. “It’s better. There’s still some people, mostly older ones, who haven’t quite caught up yet.”

“I’m glad you haven’t noticed, to be honest. It means you’ve run into mostly good people on your travels.” Olette tries to bring the mood back up. “I know Comet would never tolerate that sort of thing in their bar, paying customer or not, but even just walking around you can sometimes run into people with issues over these kinds of things. I’m really glad you haven’t had to deal with any of that.”

Xion remembers the man who had called Comet a girl, and several other words they hadn’t known and forgotten to ask about later. They remember him trying to take a swing at them- they had thought it was just because he was drunk, but now they realise perhaps not. Comet and Lea had both tossed him out without fanfare.

They remember going with Comet to do some shopping, and Comet doing their standard introduction out of habit when asked for their name for some drinks only to be met with glares by a strange elderly gentleman who had been standing near the counter. Xion hadn’t understood it, and Comet had merely told them they were probably just sour over something and said not to worry about it.

They remember comments they hadn’t thought anything of at the time, not knowing the meanings of them, going out for family dinners with Lea and Isa. It had seemed strange but something had always distracted them before they’d thought to ask.

They wonder what else they’ve missed in their naivety.

Emotions well within them, too many to name, and before they know it they find themselves sniffling.

“Oh- no it’s okay Xion, it’s not all bad. Like we said, it’s way better than it used to be!”

“And it’ll keep getting better!” Pence adds. Xion shakes their head.

“I-It’s not that, I just.. I guess I thought, once we were away from the Organization, things would be perfect in the outside world. No missions, no trying to kill each other.. But there’s all these other dangers I didn’t even know.” They shake their head and wipe their eyes in frustration. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand _why.”_

“That’s a long history.” Olette admits. “I’ve got some textbooks on it from school, if you want to borrow them.”

“Sure.”

They clutch the little white plush tightly.

It had ended on something of a somber note, but Xion finds they enjoyed most of the evening with Olette and Pence, and they ask if they could do it again some time. Olette and Pence agree happily, and the three part ways.

Xion goes home late and curls up in bed, unable to sleep for what seems like ages. It’s not until they feel Roxas crawl into bed next to them that they realise just how late it is.

“How was your date?” They ask quietly.

“It was good.” He answers. “Hayner took me to a thing called lazer tag and then we got something called crépe’s. They’re really good, you should try one sometime. I think you’d like them.”

“That’s good.”

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and Xion sighs. They knew each other too well.

“I hung out with Olette and Pence today- and it was really fun!” They hurry to add. “But I learned some things I’m not really sure I wanted to know.”

“Like what?” He asks, reaching under the covers to hold one of their hands.

“Has anyone ever.. Said anything or done anything, when you and Hayner are out?”

He shrugs.

“Sometimes. Hayner says to ignore them unless they wanna try something, and we both know I can take anyone in this town if they want to try something.”

Xion’s lip wobbles. They feel terrible that they haven’t noticed.

“Xion- no seriously what’s wrong?”

“Why aren’t we allowed to just live our lives? We got out of the organization, why isn’t that good enough?”

He shuffles closer in bed, pulling Xion into a tight hug.

“It _is_ good enough. We can take on anyone who says otherwise.” He pauses. “Did someone say something?”

“Not today.” They shake their head. “But I think I realised.. Some of the things people have said before... were more mean spirited than I thought they were.”

“Beat them up.” He says simply, prompting a startled laugh from Xion.

“Roxas no, I can’t do that!” They giggle, and he smiles in return.

“Come on, just a few good hits, they’ll never do it again.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Hayner.” They accuse, shoving him playfully. He giggles and shoves right back, and they end up playfully tussling for a minute.

They settle back into bed, laying on their backs and panting lightly, pleased with the scuffle despite the late hour. Silence reigns for a long moment.

“Hayner told me.” Roxas says at length, and Xion turns their head to look at him questioningly as he stares at the ceiling. “When he was little one of his mom’s got beat up, and that’s why he goes for the struggle trophy every year, because if he’s the strongest person in town then no one would touch his mom’s.”

Xion doesn’t know what to say to that.

“I talked to Axel after that.” Roxas continues. “Asked him why someone would do that. He said sometimes people don’t like what they don’t understand.”

“Do you think Axel’s ever had to…” Xion isn’t sure exactly what they’re trying to ask, trailing off in uncertainty, but Roxas seems to understand anyway.

“I didn’t ask.” He says. “It was before Isa came back.”

Xion turns their head again, looking over at the little shelf that now houses the small white plush they’d won at the arcade.

“Is it worth it?” They ask.

“Yeah.” He answers.

“Even if.. If Hayner couldn’t fight, couldn’t defend himself, would you still…?”

Roxas pauses as he considers it.

“Yeah. I’d be a lot more scared though.”

Xion lays back in bed, staring up at the baubles and knick knacks that line their space and the ceiling.

“Xion.. Who is it?”

Of course he would see right through them.

“Naminé.” They breathe, scared to even announce it to the empty space between them.

“Yeah I thought so.” He says. Xion blinks and sits up.

“Am I that obvious?”

He shrugs, a smug smile on his lips, but saying nothing. They thwap him with a pillow and he laughs.

“Don’t laugh at me! I’m having a crisis!”

“It’s so funny though.” He teases, and they thwap him again. “Seriously though, this isn’t new, why haven’t you told her?”

Xion frowns at the question, fiddling with their pillow distractedly.

“I’m scared.” They admit, and Roxas snorts.

“No way.”

“I’m allowed to be scared!” They protest his dismissiveness, but he shakes his head.

“Of course you are, but I’ve never seen that stop you before. Sure, Nam’s not a fighter, but she’s good at getting out of sticky situations, and if that’s not enough then Haru _is_ a fighter _._ And he’s practically glued to her side.”

“Yeah.. That’s the other thing. I don’t want to butt in on something that.. He has a bigger place in her life than I do.”

Roxas sighs.

“I thought you were supposed to be the level headed one here.” 

“Who told you that?” Xion snorts. “They’re lying through their teeth.”

“Look just.. I don’t know about Haru. Yeah sure he and Naminé have a history, but so do you. What’s the harm in asking?”

“I lose two of my closest friends to eternal awkwardness and I die alone?” Xion says dramatically, flopping backwards onto the mattress. Roxas’ tsks.

“Idiot.” He says, flopping next to them and narrowly avoiding accidentally hitting them in the face with one errant arm. “That’ll never happen. Even if it all goes wrong, _I’ll_ still be here.”

Xion smiles.

“Thanks Roxas.”

“No problem.”

-

They swear their very bones tremble as they approach and sit next to Naminé at the wide gathering.

“Can I talk to you?” The words are out of Xion’s mouth before they can stop and consider them. Naminé blinks up from her sketchpad and smiles.

“Of course.” She sets the book and pencils on the soft grass next to her, a half finished drawing of the rest of the groups impromptu soccer match on its pages. “What about?”

“Well, um.” Xion’s brain stalls, despite all the rehearsing they’d done, it all seems to fly out the window now. “A few things, actually. Like you and Haru.”

Haru rests against the tree behind them, napping in the shade.

“Oh?” Naminé prompts, and Xion squirms.

“Is he.. Are you.. Dating?”

Far from being flustered, Naminé merely makes a considering noise, like she has to think about it.

“I guess the short answer is I don’t know.” She answers eventually. “Haru is.. Dedicated in a way that is often construed as romantic. We do a lot of things that couples do. We’ve never talked about it though. Perhaps we should fix that.”

“Do you love him?” Xion asks, heart sinking anticipating the answer.

“Of course.” Naminé answers promptly, and then sombers. “Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve it, after everything that was done to him, both by me and in my name, but.. He says there is nowhere else he’d rather be, than by my side. I want to be worthy of that love.”

“You are.” Everything else falls by the wayside as Xion says that. Shy, kind, beautiful Naminé. Naive, sly, wise Naminé. Of _course_ she was worthy.

Naminé blinks, and then smiles.

“I’m trying my best.”

Xion feels the door of opportunity close, and contents themself with just spending this time here with her. It’s okay, they tell themself. It’s okay.

“What else was there?” Naminé asks as cheering erupts from one of the teams, Vanitas hoisted on Isa’s tall shoulders for making a particularly spectacular goal. Xion would have smiled at the sight if their mind wasn’t racing at Naminé’s usual perceptiveness.

“It’s nothing. It’s fine.”

“Xion-”

“ _Imightloveyoutoo._ ” Tumble’s from Xion’s lips in a rush, only to lean back and cover their mouth in horror.

“I’m sorry forget I said anything I’m going to go-” Xion panics, picking up their discarded jacket hurriedly and making to leave, stopped when Naminé’s hand wraps with surprising firmness around their wrist.

“Wait.” The single word command has Xion sitting heavily back down in the grass, hard enough they probably have brand new grass stains in the knees (indistinguishable from all the other grass stains, but there all the same).

“What’s going on?” Haru sits up from his nap, blearily rubbing one eye. Xion feels their mortification grow, but Naminé only smiles.

“You were right.” She still has her hand wrapped around Xion’s wrist.

Xion can feel themself blushing down to their very roots, but Haru merely chuckles.

“And here I slept right through it. You’re still buying my next pen set.”

“You knew?” Xion asks, and Haru shrugs.

“I had a pretty good idea. Naminé didn’t want to get her hopes up though.”

Xion feels faint, mind awhirl. Naminé tugs them down, closer to where she’s still seated.

“You- do you-” They stutter. Naminé giggles, the sound like chimes in Xion’s ears. She leans forward, slowly to give Xion plenty of time to pull away. She comes close enough to just barely brush lips with Xion and then leans back, blushing adorably.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Uhuh.” Xion nods, eyes wide and unable to say anything more eloquent. Haru gets up to sit closer to Naminé.

“I know you live with a triad, but just so you know,” He leans over to press a chaste kiss against Naminé’s temple, “I’m fine with it, but you’d have to be okay with this too.”

“You can take some time to think about it if you need.” Naminé adds gently, still blushing. “And we can talk about it more. There’s no rush.”

“I know.” Xion says faintly but with conviction. “I don’t think I need to though.”

And they lean in again.

**Author's Note:**

> good lord it took _forever_ for this to happen, didn't it? i honestly wish it had happened earlier, so i would have done more with them actually, yknow, together.


End file.
